Phil's Bike Tour

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Lordy I love drinking in parks!

every time im drunk in a park i ask myself why i ever go to bars.

Tall bike got wheels, gears, cransk, handlebars, a seat... its like a bike! only no chain or brakes, but whadda ya do? i mean i couldn't be late for gin and tonic in the park! hosted by some uber sweet SF cats who teamed up with the Times UP! New York folk and appear to me to be some sort of bikesummer illuminatti. No one really said anything about where next year but Austin has been on the radar for awhile.

FUCK AUSTIN! I say take Bikesummer to Houston! Atlanta! Find me a more expansive stretch of souless city and I say bikesummer will breath life back into the car ridden corpse.

RitAid has free MiniDV tapes! I mean, i apprecaite their no purchace necessary video stock.

So I was able to video today's Critical Mass from Sumers' tall bike. I saw 2 cops, one rolled along us and told us to be careful and to leave a lane of traffic for cars. Then it turned left and sped away like a tiny frightned fish in a swarm of bike sharks. It was so cute!

I spent some time presenting the cautinary tale of PDX mass. With about 100 bikers the ride feels so good. And yet manageable. And i nearly didn't get to take part, cause as the mass was leaving a friend of Luigi's got a flat so 4 of us stayed for a min, then I realized i was slow so i took off after the mass, but coudnt find it. luigi and friends came along and we realized it was gone. Cell phones out! and the dialing parade began. I took the opportunity to enjoy drive-though. its a total crap pile that most drive thoughs wont service bikers. According to our informal studies, the resturants cite "safety hazards" as the reason for not allowing bikes in the drive though. As if we are more endangered in a single lane of traffic moving at less than 5 mph. As with all things that I think shouldn't work, I just go forward like it is a normal thing.

Voicebox: "Welcome to Taco bell, can I take your order please?"
rev: "uh hold on ill just order at the window." (stopping on a tall bike can be challenging.)
Window: Oh! Hi!
Rev: "hey there how ya doing?"
Window: "are you riding that around?"
rev: "wherever it takes me. You got somthing I can roll witht?"
window: "bean burritos are 69 cents"
rev: "here's a dollar. no change please."
window: "thanks!" (those poor bastards never get tipped... wasupwiththat?)
rev: "could you put the hot sauce in it for me? Im kinda got my hands full"

Lots of employees came out to say Hi. I told them it was nice to use the drive though, they are proud to serve bikers. Everyone head down to 990 Western and enjoy the bike-though. I hope the video turns out.

Then we got a number to work and intersected with the Mass. awesome. So many happy peds and motorists! everyone waiving and smiling. Its like how it should be. Plus I was really enjoying people ging me beer.

Great video at the festival. though i dont think we saw all the videos we were supposed to. strange. maybe we showed up too late for them to play them all... Kiest Park was great, and "there's a flower in my Pedal" was staggering. So beautiful. great weaving of video and animation. Plus the video from the Times UP New York rocked too. "Still We Ride" is impressive. I cant go into detail about the importance of Critical Mass, but know that your 1st amendment right to assemble is at stake.

The post party was odd, some Russian lady owns a bar named the White Horse (I think there is one in every town... in Molalla Oregon there is a big horse stading on the awning outside. every Haloween someone paints the White Horse testicles a diffent color, but I digress).

What LA lacks in colored horse testicles it makes up in free hot dogs. Every hour or so the lady shows up with a tray of dogs. That helps maintiain the dive bar style.

Still it costs like 4 dollars for a cheap beer! Luckily i met a guy outside who wanted to buy me a drink so I got another Godfather (and it was good this time) for free.

This guy was on his late night commuter bike decked out with lights and saw the bikes piled up and asked me what was going on. He had no idea what bikesumer was! now he is totally pumped. He says he has been talking with the mayor about supporting bikes with better infastructure. Totally an advocate, and never heard of the kitchen! I hope I see him Sunday... cause even though he is kinda old and a little chubby he has the mentality for a bike hero. Listen to his story.

NewGuy: "so Im biking along and I see this drunk just slam into the back of another car. So I get over there and see if everyone is doing ok. The rammed car look a little out of it but stable, so i check the drunk who is like, 'whoa im cool... man.'
rev: "he was on another level huh?"
NG: "yeah he was pretty loaded. But then I see there is gas leaking out and flowing over the street. So I go back to the first car to check on them and see if they can move. They are still woozy so I help out this lady, but the driver has been knocked unconsious from the air bag, so I carry him out of the car put him on the grass and get the drunk. 'Dont lite a cigerette!' I tell him, and he's like, 'got it man...'
Rev: so everyone is out now.
NG: yeah but then the guy who was unconsious wakes up and starts smoking. So i sprint over there and keep him from ashing on the pool of gas in the street.
rev: whoa... your seiously a hero, cops must love you.
NG: yeah they gave me some flare to replace the ones i used.
rev: you had flares?!?
NG: Thre are so many accidents, I always carry 4 with me. the cops tried to give me like 8 of the big ones, and I told them that my ride was heavy enough already so they should give me the small ones.

And this guy had just bought me a drink. So I guess that's why I go to bars.


  • man, what an inspiring story of adventure and humanity in the face of concrete! 3 cheers for the flare-bearing bike hero. and 3 beers for the good reverend.

    By Anonymous PapaJon, at 12:07 AM  

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