Phil's Bike Tour

Sunday, June 19, 2005

saturday 18th: all you want and more

- I am so popular -

that is to say tall bikes are popular. I ride with the kids from the Bicycle Kitchen "Earn a Bike Progam" downtown. nearly everyone is smiling waving or saying something supportive. the street poles are not very close to the curb making life challenging when i have to wait on lights, when you are rolling with the younguns you should avoid bad habbits. And other confortations, like the cop car that came in with 2 peppers pointing thier poppers at some brother on his knees. Apparently he had been though the ringer before. It was exciting to watch the over the top Clockwork Orange-esce pepper do thier thing, but with the children nearby we decided to avoid riding our bike though the potential bullet spray. FINALLY, some real LA crazyness.

Today i did about 15-20 miles on this bike and everyone seems to love it. the best may have been the high five from the bus driver.

Of course i am good at yelling clever things while biking around and being a jackass, so i do that alot, and i pimp bikesummer like no man business. Flyers for the Bicycle Film Festival flow from me like the beer from my pores. hope Brent Barber appreciates it.

Some guy did come running out of a shop to yell at me

homeboy: "Hey! I almost hit you with my truck!" (angrily)
rev: Damn! Its a good thing you didn't huh?!? (smiling)
homeboy: uh yeah. Yeah! uh....

the Festival had so many things going on i could hardly maintain my drinking. luckily fucking Nelson (or FahNelson, as i like to call him) kept me in Budweiser.

The flatlanders had the show. dope moves. good video. i must get more tapes.

-The fastest home depot ever-

A little trip to the Home Depot for welding supplies. somers rides up on his tall bike kicks the elevator light track stands then rides in then track stands as i push the down button. home depot has got to have big convenient elevators. The guy in the elevator behaind us looks terrified.

i see that welding shades are only a couple bucks so I grab 5. then i realize i still dont wanna pay for even cheap things and pocket 4 of them. THEN i realize we need more gloves so i just put them under my arm. We go to the U-Steal Self-Checkout aisle.

Then off to the Bi-ke-Stravaganza post party. HOT! lots of bbq and bands. then some messengers performed a dope puppet show. Orlando and crew put on some decent entertainment. Then folks kept showing up but it seemed like no one was biking. ugh. the bikers get dishearten and start having competitions outside.

I met Joe from Little Joy's. again and had him the Modern Drunkard that I was given while waiting outside the Yamhill Pub on the Sunday of the NACCC. Man i do miss some things about PDX, but soon i will be back under that August sun and think to myself... WHERE IS THE FRIGGIN RAIN? Joe is stunned, he tells me to come to his bar tomorrow. I think i just might. he is like pushing tshrits for a children's bicycle cause at a messenger show. Some old 70s glasses... yeah this guy has a sweet bar, i can tell.

bikers work on their trackstands and skids, then someone declares a race though the active parking lot. This is a bad idea i think to myself. I should film it.

No more than 10 seconds later someone tells me to get out of the back of the truck. "yeah the video from up on that rooftop would be better, ill show you how to get around the security.

The race only lasted a second and sure enough someone ate a side view mirror. awesome.

somers and i take a tour of the downtown, we find some corporate art with some green space to mark our territory. He shows me some graffiti.

What is up with fish stick tacos? i like fish sticks, i adore tacos, i maw me some fish tacos, but fish stick tacos? So the rule is dont trust the Burrito King taco discount. After throwing down 3 each of these "tacos" Somers and I began to plan regicide.

-When dumpster divers turn pro-

We were so disheartened with our late night eating experience we felt it was necessary to liberate some abandoned food. Apparently the trader joe's has some tough razor wire security (btw, i see signs that say electrified fence at places... along the sidewalk! That is just over the top. I should try and steal one of those signs)

So first we hit Ralph's which i think should be named Wiggum's cause its dumpster was retarded. Plastic sacks full of wet plastic? bits of slime and coffee grounds? WTF?!? (one bonus: was that it was totally unprotected and convenient for looking down into from a tall bike).

About 4 min and halfway down the dumpster we come to the conclusion that we really can afford to buy some food. I mean, it wont kill us. But across the street at Vaughn's is way better organics and such.

We take our time browsing the rows, alas there was no bins for sampling. where is a Freddy's when you need it?!? Then to the check out. Where we waited, and waited and waited at the only checkout lane with a light on.

sumers: this has got to be the right place right?
rev: what's the statue of limitations on waiting for a cashier to appear?
sumers: I wonder... 5 min, 10? [he turns to the lady who just walked up behind us]
lady: humm, well if you are thinking about it, you probably have already waited long enough
sumers: should we just leave?
rev: What about carrying the food?
lady: you have a plastic hand basket, just use that.
rev: humm, no lets bag our own.

and with that somers jumped around the counter and started packing our organic peanut butter, breads, garlic, avocado, tomatoes, healthy spread... and on and on until we each maxed out our plastic bags. We thanked the lady, who stayed behind for the moment. I wonder how long. The security wished us well as we walked out giggling like school girls on whippets.

- I fear going to the Bathroom... again. -

My TP has fallen out of the window into a closed alleyway. It looks like i could almost snag it, but i have had no luck so far.


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