Phil's Bike Tour

Monday, July 18, 2005

A: Under the bridge

Q: Where do you go when you are depressed and you are already at the bar?

Could I be surrounded by people about to get laid?

These women, they wine ya, they dine ya, they cheese ya. Then you are alone and waiting for something cool to happen. At least i have bike videos. Off to Jersey City... It's like a bat cave. only with good lighting. Wait, is that possible?

The rest of the week I spend time editing. Don't accomplish much given how much I have to do, but the pieces I finish are awesome. Steve has edited "Fear and Loathing in Jersey City" from my helmet camera footage which inspires me to crank out "Ride to the Worlds". A video of my mid morning ride from New Bedstuy to The World Trade Center inter spliced with out-of-context clips from CMWC. Grounded in awesome music. Finding good copyleft songs to sample and splice has been trouble for me in the past. I know the internerd is full of annoying things that could be useful, but I rarely have access to it when editing. MEH. Luckily this time the choice was clear: the punk-ska-core band, Team Spider, “Summertime in the City”. Seeing as how they played the CMWC closing party I figured it was appropriate. The song rocks and unless you are really paying attention you might now notice just how many times it loops.

The highlight of the video for me is how well the Pepridge Farm Cosie section turned out.

My hosts, Steve McMaster and Teressa take me out later. I get plenty of drinks which is great, so I make nice with the ladies and convince one of them that she should come with me. This is a really hot, youthful, Indian girl with a certain hatred for the human race. I can dig it. Her and her sister sat close to me. My crew was leaving so I decided she should come with me.

She didn't bike (duh, almost no one bikes to bars in the Lower East Side, its got too much mass transit apparently), and she wont ride on the seat or handlebars. This should have been a good warning sign.

A week earlier in Baltimore I turned by back on 3 girls who all declined to take a ride on my handlebars, but were into me nonetheless.

"I AM DRUNK, YOU ARE GIRL, GET ON BIKE!" (in reality I might not have been that lucid or charming)

Later I was sad I had such strong drunken biker principals. I vowed to not let my feelings about bikes keep me from finding a warm place to stay, especially if it's with hot biker girls (or even biker-groupie girls)

So we decided to hit the next bar (why would i go to a bar? another mistake. the park! the bridge! these are the places to imbibe!)
I turned to lock up Duff Numba Five, and noticed a monitor abandoned on the ground below the pole.

"WOW! That sucks, but it reminds me of home." I said as I fumbled to remove the chain from around my waist. "I work at a place in Portland that deals with this kinda stuff"

It was my first day with the chain and lock, and I hadn't really figured it out. I took 10 sec. trying to be cute and mounting my bike on top of the monitor. It didn't work. I gave up and locked it to the pole and when i looked up I saw the girl walking across the street into a building with some guy.

I turn to see her sister still standing there.

"What just happened?"
"She walked off with that guy."
"Did she say why?"
"She said, 'Tell him anything.'"
"Oh. huh."

I move to unlock my bike. I never remember being this dissed before, but Im sure sometime in my childhood I had it worse.

"So what are you gonna do?" she asks me nervously
"Idonknow. Cry? Your sister do this often?"
"She's kinda young. So... do you want a get a drink?"
"You don't even mean that."
"Well it's up to you."
"thanks." I said without feeling. I put my chain around my waist.
"Comon' you can have a drink with me." I look at her for a moment. She seems like she really wants to spend time with me. I don't understand why, but maybe I can find out. Add some salt to the wound, who knows what Ill find.
"Alright, lead the way."

So the rest of the night was spent distancing ourselves from each other. No insights were gained. No buzz was improved. No hot women yearning to engage my super sweet Sano soul. Just this sister, and damn is she ever annoying. Shouldn't I be spared having to deal with the annoyingness of her presence? After an over an hour we agree to be miserable in separate quarters.


  • Crappy people do crappy things--the sooner they diss you the sooner you're free. When you get back here to PDX you'll find some good gals.

    Patrick B.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:04 PM  

  • I don't know if I agree with the above comment. Portland ladiez are all bitches. Except for me. Or perhaps especially me.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:13 PM  

  • I seriously doubt you'll ever see this comment (this being a totally old blog). And I clearly don't have the guts to leave a non-anonymous comment, but...

    I would TOTALLY ride on your handlebars, if I didn't already have my own bike.

    Developed a wee bit of a crush on you the other day. Saw you at the bike fest and the naked ride. Never saw you before. Damn shame :)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:29 PM  

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